Goals

In my 1st of 2 mandatory support group meeting that I have to attend prior to surgery, they had talked about setting goals for yourself to keep yourself motivated. Not, oh I want to lose 60 pounds by Valentine's day, they are talking about non-weight number goals.

So as I have continued to think about and try to mentally prepare myself for this journey, I keep thinking about these goals to set and what goals do I want to set for myself.

Here are some of the things I have thought up so far:

1. Of course there is the biggest one, being able to shop at "normal" people places for clothes.
2. Not that I get to travel much, but being able to ride in the airplane without having to ask for a seat belt extender.
3. Being able to drive my car without having the seat belt choke me because it is currently extended as far as it can go.
4. Being able to go to the theater or a concert and not have the arms of the chair cut into my hips, thighs or sides.
5. This one is a big one for me....being able to go to my favorite theme park and ride all the rides that I REALLY want to ride, but currently can't because I'm too big to fit in the seats.
6. Being able to walk long distances without having my legs or feet hurting during the walk or after it.
7. Being able to try new things: like canoeing, bike trips, spa treatments. Sure these are things I can do know but let's be honest, it's to be able to do them without people snickering or thinking oh shit.
8. This next one is a little personal but still, feeling sexy and being able to enjoy "things" with my boyfriend.
9. Not being tired all the time. That will be a big thing!
10. Just being able to travel more. Granted this one also requires money, but I'm thinking about having the energy to experience different things and to see the sites in a city.
11. I would love to learn how to scuba dive and explore some of the reefs off the Keys or in the Caribbean.
12. Being able to box up and donate my current clothes to Salvation Army or Goodwill.
13. Hopefully having my shoe size shrink down a size or 2 so I can buy shoes in normal stores!
14. I'm looking forward to seeing pictures of the new me. The incredible shrinking woman!
15. Shocking the hell out of some of my family when I show up as the new me at the family reunion in July.
16. Taking one of those Segway tours. Even if it's here, just being able to try a Segway!

So these are just a few goals I have been thinking about over the past month.

Can't wait to get started.

Another reason for the surgery...but one I tend to forget about.

So the past week I had a reminder. A not very good reminder.

Deep inside I always know that I am fat. Even though I try to imagine myself not fat. There are the little reminders, such as being able to sit in a seat and not having the arms of the chairs cutting into my hips or thighs.

This past week it was a snide comment that someone said that I ended up taking offense to. Even though that comment was not directed at me personally, I still felt it as a blow to my confidence.

I am one of those many people who post tweets on Twitter. Just for fun, I follow some celebrities. There are several celebrities on Twitter, all at various stages/levels of celebrity. The celebrity in question is not a "big" national celebrity but depending on what type of music you listen to, would determine if you know this person or not.

Part of the thing that makes this comment shocking and unbelievable is the fact that before this celebrity became well known he/she made a living as a personal trainer. A personal trainer. As in someone who helps fat people become healthier and thinner.

This person posted a picture of a fat person at a grocery store. She was wearing a short white skirt and the wrong type of underwear. She was bending down to pick something up from a bottom shelf. Unfortunately for this person, she was bending at the waist to pick up the item rather than ladylike bending at the knees.

Now I had seen the picture before. It had come in a email about rednecks or the people of Walmart. When I get them and kinda chuckle at them and hope to God I never get spotted doing something like that and then move on.

Had the celebrity posted the picture and made no comment I would have been fine. The celebrity had posted funny pictures on his/her Twitter account before. Put he/she didn't stop at that. Nope, he/she had to make a snide comment as well.

The comment was "this is why I don't shop at Kroger anymore. They tend to be smaller at Whole Foods."

It's thoughtless, mean comments like this that cause us "big" people to have lack of self confidence and just feel even more like shit.

The thing about it was, if it had been a picture of a black, or Asian, or Latino person, it would be considered racism. But because it was just a snide comment against a fat person, society seems to think that it's okay.

Back in the late 19th and early 20th century, a woman with curves was considered the most desirable. Even Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14 I've heard. When did society deem a woman with curves undesirable? When did stick thin girls become the preferred standard of what is considered beautiful, sexy and desirable?

** In the process of writing this post I happened to go back to that celebrity's twitter site and he/she had removed the offensive picture and tweet. Guess my little rant about his/her meanness and rudeness hit the mark!

First Doctor Visit

So today was the first visit with the Dr. This doctor seems to have the most patients and seems to have a very good success rate. One of the things I found interesting was it seems as several nurses and office staff seem to have had one form of weight loss surgery, with some pretty amazing results.

So after filling out paperwork, I got called back to fill out more paperwork and talk with the nurse before actually talking with the doctor. Of course there was the dreaded scale check. I have decided I like the scales in this doctor's office better than the scale in my PCP. According to the special scales, today I weighed 396. I knew I liked this scale! Of course I have been sick with a sinus infection so that may have something to do with it. That and the fact that I have not drank a full can of Pepsi since I got sick last week. All I have had is a few sips from the fountain soda machine at work. Not even a full glass!

So before the nurse left I told her that I was hoping to have the surgery by the end of the year due to a change in insurance. When the doctor came in he didn't give me a definite yes, we can get it done by the end of the year, but he did say that I should tell the lady who handles the insurance to save a space for me in December, which I of course forgot to do. I need to remember to email her.

It was interesting meeting the doctor. I guess I was a little different than most of his patients because I really didn't have any questions for him. I told him that most of the questions I had got answered at the support group meeting. There was something about his manner that I just couldn't quite put my finger on. It was almost as if he really didn't like being around fat people. He just seemed a little distant. Maybe it was me.

After about 15 minutes with the doctor it was time to move on. Next I met with the office dietitian. She gave me some information about the surgery to read and answered a couple of questions that I had concerning the pre-op/post-op diet. She did let me know that it would be about 6 months after surgery before I would be able to eat beef. Okay, I guess I can deal with that.

After talking with her for about 10 minutes, it was time to meet with the next consultation.

Time to talk with the exercise physiologist. Talk over what type of exercise I've done previously, what I like to do for exercise, what limitations I may have, etc...

After 10 minutes talking with him, it was time to leave. Before leaving I talked briefly with the insurance lady and got the questionnaire for the psychiatric evaluation. 340 questions that repeated themselves, just asking it a different way. One of the questions that was hard to answer was Do people annoy you? Well, let's see...are you talking about people in general, or the people that ask the stupid questions over the phone, or the co-workers who wait to the last minute to bring you something that they want you to drop everything you may be doing to work on their stuff? If the answer is yes, then hell yes they annoy me! How does an normal person answer that question? I answered some of the time.

So I answered the 340 questions to the best of my ability and turned it in. Now it's a waiting game to hear from the Psychiatrist to go over the questions.

The next step for me is to attend the 2nd support group meeting, follow up emails with the dietitian and exercise physiologist and push and prod my PCP to send in the proper paperwork so that I can meet with the doctor a final time to schedule the surgery in December.

So until then, it's reading over everything that I have gotten, take the online class and mentally prepare myself for this journey.

Mandatory Support Group Meeting

So in order to have the bypass surgery, I must attend 2 procedure specific support group meetings. The hospital that I will be having my procedure only offers 1 a month.

This past Tuesday I attended my first meeting. There was probably 15, maybe 20 people at the meeting. About half of them were pre-op visitors.

Of the post-op patients, the biggest amount lost in the group was 226 pounds. The longest length since surgery I believe was 4 years. It was a woman who had lost the most of the group and had you not know that she was a gastric patient, you would have never know she was a fat girl. She looked absolutely AMAZING!

So after talking about how to stay motivated during the weight loss process and learning to set goals for yourself that don't involve a number of pounds to lose or a set weight you want to be at. Things like not having to ask for a seat belt extender on an airplane, or being able to fit comfortably in a restaurant booth, fitting into a dream piece of clothing, etc...

After the meeting, there was mingle time with the post-op patients talking to the pre-op patients. During this mingle time I was able to ask a couple of different post-op patients to get some of the questions that I posted in my previous blog answered based on other's experiences.

One other thing I also learned is that a couple of them even lost weight in their feet, shrinking their shoe size. For me this is a giant YIPPEE! I wear a size 12 shoe which means it's damn near impossible and damned expensive to buy shoes!

I have one more meeting to attend in order to meet the surgery requirements. I must admit that I did enjoy going to the support group and enjoyed hearing and seeing the success stories of others.